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A Letter to Santa From An Internet Marketer

Yo, Santa! Howís it going in the great white north? Seeing as it tisí the season, here is my letter about what I want for Christmas. Been Good Santa, I know you do that whole good versus bad thing. I promise Iíve been a good internet marketer this year. I havenít spammed the search engines with mirror sites, link farm purchases or little tricks to tweak your friends at Google. Now, while Iíve been good, I would like a few bad things for Christmas. No ponies here, I want the good stuff. Dear Santa, I want:

1. A lump of coal to be given to the bad person or persons at Yahoo whoíve been deleting my pages from their search engine results.

2. A lump of coal to the same people at Yahoo who came up with the Site Match nonsense. Feel free to let the reindeer relieve themselves while on the roofs of these peoplesí homes.

3. To meet a person from Google who handles the ranking updates in a bar late at night after theyíve been drinking for four or five hours. I only need 15 minutes. Pleeeeasssee! Iíve been so good.

4. Five minutes in the Ultimate Fighting Octagon with Bill Gates.

5. A few hours with your list of bad people who will get coal for the holidays. Donít worry, I can figure out which ones are fraudulently clicking my PPC ads.

6. Please send the Santa virus to the people who keep sending me the phishing Pay Pal emails.

7. Same thing for the bad boys and girls sending me pharmaceutical spam.

8. The opportunity to beat each dmoz volunteer editor over the head with my keyboard just once. Okay, maybe twice. Now I realize you are a master of being subtle. When I visited you at the mall, you acted like I was a lunatic and you didnít know what I was talking about. I really didnít appreciate you calling security and the FBI, but I guess everybody has a bad day. Iím sure I can count on you to come through this year. Oh, I forgot something. Angelina Jolie. Definitely Angelina Jolie. Leave her short dork boyfriend at home. Now that isnít too much to ask is it? Is it?


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